The day you find out your
wife has been cheating on you is a sad one indeed. There are really no words to describe the kind of impact that such a discovery can have on your emotions, your hope for the future, and your self-esteem.
Of course, as they say, nothing happens in a vacuum. It is likely that your relationship was experiencing certain issues that led to your
wife having an affair. Still, in no way does this excuse her behavior. At this point, you may not be sure if you could ever forgive her for what she has done to you and your relationship.
If you are saying, "I found out my
wife has been having an
affair," here are 5 steps to take:
1. Separate fact from suspicion:
The human mind is a mysterious thing. It is so complex that, during times of heightened emotional states, our brains can actually distort reality. This is why we hear news stories of people going off and doing really crazy things - their mind just wasn't in the right place at the time.
It is very likely that, given the news of your wife's
affair, you are experiencing a whole range of painful emotions - some of which may distort some of the crucial details of what really went on. This is totally understandable. And, it is for this very reason that you should give yourself the chance to calm down and start figuring out exactly what the "facts" are behind what your
wife has done. In other words, you need to separate "fact" from "suspicion."
2. Start a dialogue with your
wife about the affair:
Without acting in an accusatory way (even though you probably feel like doing that at times), it is very important that you do not shut your
wife out at this point. To the contrary, regardless of how things end up going between the two of you, right now you must start a dialogue with her about what happened.
3. Find out her true intentions about your marriage and the affair:
As you talk with your
wife, find out what her intentions are for your marriage. If it helps, think of yourself like a detective: you must try to remain emotionally detached from the situation for the time being. Find out what she wants and what she intends to do.
4. Decide what you need to do about your relationship:
Now that you know the facts of the situation - as well as what your
wife really wants to do next - it is time for you to decide in your heart what makes sense for you to do. The central question you need to answer for yourself is: should you stay in the relationship or should you leave it?
5. If you plan to stay with her, you need to work together to heal yourselves after the affair:
If you decide that, somewhere in your heart, you have the ability to forgive your
wife for what she has done, you need to make a commitment to each other to solve your marital woes together.
Follow these 5 steps. And then, if it feels like the right thing to do, get back on the path to healing and trust between you and your wife.
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