There are only two real ways to get past this stage of uncomfortable unknowing about what is really going on:
a. catch your spouse red-handed
b. confront your spouse and get them to admit it - or to convincingly and plausibly deny it
But, catching them or finding rock-solid evidence of an affair may take a very long time - or may never even happen. And, confronting your spouse with your suspicions could backfire on you - especially if he or she is innocent of what you are accusing. Instead, look for one or more of the common signs of marital affairs to see if they apply in your situation.
If you are saying, "What are the signs my spouse is having an affair?," here are 5 signs to look for:
1. They have trouble looking you in the eye when you are having an intimate moment:
When you are with your spouse, pay attention to whether he or she is able to look you right in the eye when you are in close contact, such as talking in bed or across the dinner table. People who have something to hide have trouble looking into the eyes of the person they are hiding it from. In particular, see whether your spouse tends to look down or to the side when you speak about something serious or sincere.
2. Your spouse seems to be less interested in being close with you than before:
Lately, have you noticed that your spouse has seemed less interested in touching, hugging, kissing, or making love than he or she used to be? This could be a sign that they have found another person to fill that space in them that needs physical intimacy and closeness.
3. He or she spends a lot of time each day that is unaccounted for:
Do you find that your spouse takes an unreasonably long time to go from here to there, such as from work to home or when going on errands? This could be a sign that they are taking a pit stop somewhere you don't want them to be.
4. Your spouse seems to be preoccupied when you are together:
When you are with your husband or wife, do you find that he or she has trouble focusing on what you are saying? Do they seem to not really be "there" when you are engaged in conversation?
5. You notice strange smells on their clothing:
Have you noticed that your spouse's clothing - right before it goes into the wash - has strange smells on it like cigarette smoke, the smell of a greasy restaurant, perfumes or lotions that just do not seem to be in line with what they say they did that day? They may have taken their clothing on a trip or two to see another lover.
While none of these signs of a spouse having an affair is enough by itself to indicate cheating, the presence of these signs should be enough to go on if you want to start a dialogue with your spouse about what they are up to.
Remember, do not be afraid to find out the truth about what is really going on. Once/if they admit they are cheating, you have tools at your disposal to survive the affair and find the love for each other again.