1.First of all, you need to accept that something has to change. You’ve gotten to this point where you are unhappy but you have to change something to make it better. This is a very important step because you may feel like you don’t have to do anything, that things should just fall into place if your marriage was supposed to be. The reality is that marriage takes work and it takes work to get along with anyone at all but it is most important to put in the effort to get along with your spouse.
2.Secondly you need to accept some of the responsibility for letting things get the way they are. Marriage is a two way street and one person can’t be responsible for destroying a relationship without the permission of the other. This is a very profound idea to understand because even though you may not have done anything wrong at all, the fact is that you did nothing to stop what has happened and you have to accept that responsibility.
3.As a part of the healing process, you have to share your own feelings. Let your partner know how you feel, what made you feel that way and any other things you feel they should know. Try to be as open and honest as possible and take as much time as you need to share those feelings that might cause you to freeze or hide.
4.As well as sharing your own feelings, you need to listen and accept the feelings and thoughts of your partner. This can sometimes be difficult because you might feel that they are attacking you and you will want to defend yourself, but you need to listen, hold your piece and truly listen to them. You will learn things that you never imagined you did to them but people get hurt in different ways and it is important to understand that.
5.Now it’s time to hit the reset button. This is probably one of the most important tools that couples don’t realize that they have. You can go back to a place before the confusion and chaotic lifestyle. All you have to do, is apologize to your partner and genuinely forgive them for the things that they have done. Forgiveness might take some time but even just working on it is a commitment to change that you and your partner will recognize and appreciate.
Our lives do get out of hand and no marriage is impervious to the dangers of distance between partners. Always remember to make time for each other and if you feel like you need more help, seek it out. There is nothing more precious and valuable in this life that being able to share ourselves with someone else.